June 29, 2010

I Fought Karma and Guess Who Won

Let's get one thing straight before I redact the details of my day - I am not an air-head, space cadet or walking moron. I actually have a pretty decent IQ, but my brain apparently succumbed to the unbearable Miami heat today and what was left was, well, a total absent-minded mess.

I'll begin with what was supposed to be a quick trip to Toys r Us. HA! Quick my a**. Once I walked through the doors, I couldn't remember why I was there. I was immediately bombarded by all things Toy Story 3. ARGH! My little one had about 10 orgasms while we were there, and finally remembered I needed diapers and wipes after 45 friggin minutes. Needless to say, I caved in and bought both boys "a little something", a euphemism I use to get my husband off my case when he questions my "reckless" shopping practices. In reality, I brought home a HUGE stuffed Tolee from Ni Hao, Kai-lan (for those of you that even know what I'm talking about) and a Penguins of Madagascar Fishing Game (as if I really needed another battery-guzzling toy in my house!). Buying more unecessary toys for my overly-spoiled boys could be perceived as "reckless". We'll just blame that on my air-head binge, allrighty?!?!

My day continued with a trip to the grocery store which I jammed into my schedule before I picked up my oldest at summer camp. Here's where things get interesting and cosmic and ironic. When I arrived at the parking lot, I managed to find an open stroller permit parking spot. This place always annoys me because they only have two stroller permit spaces for the entire mall! What really ticks me off, though, is how so many people park in these scarce spots without a permit. Or they park when they're without kids and don't need the space. That's exactly what happened today. I was unloading my son and sitting him in his stroller when a woman parked in the only other stroller permit spot available without a permit!!! I gave her a dirty look and rolled my eyes (a very Cuban reaction BTW) as she got off her car. She looked at me as I did this, but kept walking into the store. I followed a few moments later and spent the next 30 minutes or so stuffing the storage bin under my son's stroller with the groceries I needed. I headed to the register to pay. I placed all the groceries to get scanned, reached under the stroller sunshade where I usually store my purse while I shop and came up empty-handed.

What ensued was a mixture of crazy Cuban lady hysterics as I yelled to everyone within earshot (as well as the folks enjoying an eternal rest at the nearby cemetery) that my purse had been stolen. Forget that it would've been darn near impossible for that to happen without removing my child from his stroller seat first. I was convinced it was stolen and began a store-wide search for the perpetrator. Throughout all this, my boy sipped on his bottle totally oblivious even though I and his stroller were probably clocking about 50mph. I panted. I sweat. I searched high and low on the off chance the bag had fallen out of the stroller without my noticing it, but NADA!

I went back to the register as the store manager managed to catch up with me. I asked to have the video surveillance checked to see who took my purse and was nearly on the verge of tears (which is totally out of character for me) when karma b*tch-slapped me in the face. HARD. As my pseudo stolen purse drama began to unfold, the illegal stroller spot lady (that's what I'm calling her) got in line two shoppers behind me. When I came back and began talking to the manager, the lady (very politely I might add) interrupted our conversation to suggest I look for the "missing" purse inside my car. I probably looked at her as if she'd grown a third boob or something because I HAVE NEVER LEFT MY PURSE INSIDE MY CAR. EVER. EVER. The mere suggestion was completely absurd. I'm the chick who always has it together. I know where everything is and no way would I or could I be such an air-head. Until today that is. The lady insisted I should check my car. She was certain I would feel better once I did. So I walked out to my car and, sure enough, there was my purse sitting on the front passenger seat.

This is the part where I opened the car door, grabbed my bag and stuck my tongue way up my judgemental a**. The illegal stroller parking spot lady was right, and I was knee-deep in irony. Once I returned to the store to pay for my groceries (the illegal parking spot lady allowed me to cut her in line to pay for my stuff - more irony and cosmic crap coming my way), the lady explained that she'd seen me in the parking lot while I was getting my son into his stroller and thought he was so darn cute she just had to stare at him a bit. She was sure I had not taken a purse out of my car, so she figured I'd left it inside while I was busy "GIVING HER THE EVIL, SELF-RIGHTEOUS EYE" (that, by the way, is a translated quote). Under normal circumstances, I would have sent this illegal parking lady straight to hell without a second thought, but I was so glad to have my purse back I let it slide. In the end, she had a point. I judged her and made it my business to let her know she was wrong when it really had nothing to do with me. I put out negative karma and it came back and bit me in my large Cuban rear end.

So what did I learn from this experience? To not judge others? To refrain from giving strangers dirty looks? To appreciate karma and irony? HELL NO! I'm still going to be the self-righteous "Cubanita" I've always been. A lesson I did manage to take away from all this is to never be such a fool and an air-head again. Karma may get me down every once in awhile, but it'll never change who I am. And I don't care what any illegal stroller permit parking lady thinks about that either ;-)


  1. Lesson #1 -- never take children to Toys R Us. Never. Lesson #2 -- never take children to Toys R Us. Keep repeating. Though I'll cut you some slack on those new toys: belated birthday presents!!!

  2. Thanks for the laugh this morning! : )

  3. you know what happened? i bet "no permit lady" aka "npl" took your wallet and broke into your car and put it there. i mean, dude. how else did she know where it was? exactly.

  4. You cracked me up with this post!

    Enjoy your holiday weekend!!

  5. This is a great story Dania and an excellent reason who we should not rush to judgment about other people. That lady saved you from a day in the loony bin. BTW, your son sounds adorable. Yes, I'm a new follow. Found you from the Social Parade. I'll be back.

  6. Too funny!! Thank you for the laugh
    Stopping by to let you know I have moved to a new domain. You can see me at www.nothingbutfabulousity.com
    I have numerous giveaways, polls, and contests. Here is the sad part, with my move it appears I have lost all my comments. So if you have entered into anything I actually need you to zoom back and re-comment. If you havent entered into any of them, what are you waiting for? Get your butt over there!! HA!
    Site is under construction so please be patient.
    Stay Fabulous

  7. I've given you an award!!


  8. My girlies complain and even tell people how few times I've taken them to Toys R Us... (They can count their visits on one hand...) It was self preservation...

  9. Great post! Thanks for giving me a good laugh! I am following you from "Welcome Wednesday."



Por favor, throw this crazy Cuban mama a bone and comment on her stuff. Gracias :-)